How To Ask For Help
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For the weary, the unsure, the ones who wonder if it's “enough” to warrant support.
Asking for help can be the hardest thing, can’t it?
You don’t need to be drowning to ask for a life raft, mama.
You don’t have to be desperate to ask for help. You can be mildly aware of that internal voice - the one that says, “I’m on the brink here… I’m in the realm of not ok” - and that is enough, mama. It’s enough to warrant asking. It might go against familiar narratives of your story telling you to just do it on your own. But. It’s enough. It. Is. Enough. Say it as a mantra, mama.
It. Is. Enough.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know something important:
You are allowed to ask for help. Even if…
You don’t have the words to explain what’s wrong.
You feel like others have it harder.
You think “It could have been worse.”
You’re usually the one helping everyone else.
You’re afraid you’ll be a burden.
You’ve been white-knuckling it for so long, you're not sure how to let go.
We live in a world that subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) teaches us to be self-sufficient at all costs. But we weren’t made to carry the weight of everything alone. We are wired for connection.
Asking for help isn’t weakness — it’s a return to connection, it’s an invitation to someone else, letting them into this tender, timid, overwhelmed part of you.
I know it might sound cheesy, but I do believe that.
How do you feel when a close friend or family member asks you for help? Touched, invited, let in, grateful, happy and eager to support? Yeah, I thought so.
Imagine maybe, just maybe, that’s a possibility of what they feel on the other end, too.
But how do you actually do it?
Start small. Start soft. Here are a few ways to begin:
A text to a friend:
“I’ve been having a hard time lately. Do you have space to connect sometime soon?”A call to your provider:
“I’m not sure exactly what I need, but I know I’m struggling. Can I schedule an appointment?”Words to your partner or support person:
“I’m carrying too much right now and feel alone. Can you help me sort some things out? Can I have a hug?”A journal entry or voice memo to yourself:
“Something feels heavy. I don’t want to do this alone anymore.”
You don’t need to have the perfect words. You don’t need to be at rock bottom. All you need is a flicker of permission — the tiniest spark of belief that you’re worthy of support — and then the courage to follow it. That’s enough.
It. Is. Enough.
And. I know it can feel like a leap, sometimes, mama. It goes against the grain, doesn’t it?
Talking to providers:
Sometimes clients ask me how to start the conversation with their provider when they are in a hard place and know they need more support - such as medication - but they don’t know how to put it into words or even where to start.
Start small. Describe your symptoms. Maybe make a note in your phone before the appointment so you feel clear on what you want to say. It’s ok to fumble and be tearful and it’s also ok to know you struggle in moments but to not be emotional at all in the office - either extreme doesn’t negate the fact that you have hard moments and that you know yourself and what you need, mama.
Describe to them how you feel when you are in the dark places, what you think about and how long it has been going on. They will ask questions to help you unpack it further from there. Making that call is hard, but support is there for you.
And if the first attempt feels too hard?
Try again. Gently. Kindly. Not because you’re failing, but because learning to ask is a practice. And like any practice, it takes time.
You are not a burden. You are a human being.
With needs. With pain. With beauty. With stories worth tending to.
Asking for help is a first step. And it’s a huge one.
Buy yourself a coffee to celebrate. Or tea. Or chocolate. Whatever brings some joy and marks the big thing you just did. My kids got a lollipop after shots today at the Dr - give that scared, timid part of you a treat, mama, whatever that looks like for you.
We are rooting for you.
And you can always head over to our resources page for some practical links on how to get connected to a provider and how to begin that process as well as tangible resources for the hard moments.