Sleep Is Queen
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Sleep Is Queen: And She’s Hard to Find in Parenthood
They say sleep is the foundation of wellness—right up there with food, water, and oxygen. And yet, if you’re a parent… you know sleep becomes one of the first things to vanish. And oh, mama, I get it. This has been one of the hardest parts of the journey for me. If you are struggling in this area, you have my compassion and commisseration.
Before kids, I underestimated the power of sleep. I knew I had a hard time when tired, but I never knew this kind of desperate tired. The only-thing-I-can-think about tired. Anxiety inducing, what-will-this-night-hold kind of tired.
Sleep isn't just a nice idea—it’s a need. And in early parenthood, we are often desperate for it, flailing in other areas of life because of the lack thereof.
The lack of it can feel like a slow unraveling and I remember feeling like a ghost of myself going through the motions of life.
So. Let’s talk about sleep, mama.
Why It’s So Hard
When you're in the thick of parenting—whether it's newborn wake-ups, toddler nightmares or night terrors (been there!), or just the mental load that won't turn off at 2 AM—sleep gets broken into maddeningly, desperately unsatisfying fragments.
It’s not just the number of hours.
It’s how we sleep.
Interrupted sleep means our bodies don't get to cycle through the deep rest they need. We don’t get enough uninterrupted sleep. But I don’t have to tell you that, do I, mama? You know that experience in your body. When we are in that space, our minds don’t get the reset either.
This leads to:
Foggy thinking
Heightened anxiety
Moodiness
Low patience (hello, mom guilt!)
A body that’s constantly running on cortisol, shaky and overstimulated
You’re Not Failing—You’re Exhausted
One of the sneakiest things sleep deprivation does? It convinces us we’re not doing enough, it exacerbates all those voices in our minds that whisper unhelpful messages. We start believing the voice that says we’re failing. But, mama, hear this:
If you’re sleep-deprived, the problem isn’t you.
It’s that you’re doing too much, with too little support, and your basic needs aren’t being met.
You are still a good mama. Do you need to hear that again?
You. Are a good mama. Yes, you. You’re doing your best with the energy you’ve got. And it WILL get better, mama.
Ways to Honor Sleep (Even If It’s Elusive)
We can’t always get the sleep we need—but we can do our best to honor it and find creative ways to tend this part of ourselves. Here's how:
Nap if and when you can (without guilt). ((I know. I know. “Sleep when they sleep,” that whole thing is absurd in its own way. There are a thousand things tugging at you, aren’t there, mama? I’m inviting you to listen to your body - practice tuning in. Is today a day that getting the dishes done will be the most relieving to you, the most life- giving? Or is today a day that you need to nap, to tune out the noise and demands as you are able, and let your body regroup? It’s a real need, mama. And a real option, regardless of your kid’s age(s). Just a friendly reminder and a gentle invitation and permission if you need it. ))
Trade nights off with a partner or support person. (This is a REALLY important one, mama. We will come back to this in another post. How to talk about sharing this load with your partner. How to navigate this with honesty and grace when you both are exhausted)
Let go of the dishes sometimes. Choose rest. Again. Oversimplified, but truly, mama. You matter. You matter. You matter. lower the expectations, and soften wherever possible.
Create wind-down rituals, even if they’re 5 minutes long. (I will link soon to a 5 minute yoga routine I’ve been doing for years right before bedtime which signals to my body: Sleep time!)
Tell someone: “I’m not okay. I need rest.” Let them help. (Again, I know how hard this can be. We will come back to this.)
Use all the sleep extras:
Earplugs (I still use these most nights. Every little sound in the night disrupted me. I still hear baby, but not EVERY movement he makes in the crib)
Eye mask: This one is so soft, cozy and barely noticeable. It was my nightly companion for YEARS. Now these blackout curtains do the trick. I’ve bought these several times and take them traveling just in case :)
Lavendar oil: It’s soothing and could signal to your brain that it’s time to sleep. It’s not magic, as you know. But. Let’s throw everything at this, mama.
In This Space, We Honor Sleep
I don’t have a magic fix. I wish I did. But I do want to name what is true here and make space for the hard stuff. This is a season, a hard, exhausting one. And it will get better, mama. I trust that. It doesn’t feel like that in the middle of it, I know. It feels unending and suffocating. But small changes add up to a shift you can lean into and trust eventually.
So if you’re reading this through blurry eyes and shaky hands, please know:
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
You are not weak.
You are simply tired.
And sleep? She’s still queen.
We bow to her. We hope for her. We build altars to her with blackout curtains and lavender sprays and herbal teas.
And we remember: she will return.
Until then, may you find rest in the small spaces.
May you draw a circle around yourself, claiming space, seeking to come back to yourself again. And again. And again.
And may you feel seen, exactly as you are.
And find grace for yourself, mama. All the grace - sprinkle it on your head with abundance. Morning and night.
With love,
Colleen