Maybe Yoga Really Is Magic? How To Reset After a Hard Parenting Night.
I just did 30 minutes of aggressive yoga.
Aggressive, you ask? Yes.
I came out from an hour long (felt like 2) bedtime-from-he(sounds like yell). And I felt like throwing things. (Ok, fine. I threw socks.) I knew I needed a place to channel my energy. I felt like running our the door and going on an aggressive run, putting all my angst and fear that - I’m doing it all wrong and how the he(hockeysticks) is it really this hard some days? - into something tangible, feeling it release. But it’s dark out and I didn’t really have the energy to put shoes on, so, instead, I did aggressive yoga.
I closed my eyes and did an ujjayi (audible) breath that any yoga teacher would be proud of - but would also get you ALL the glares in class because it was LOUD. I just went with it and did some aggressive, slow arm movements as I went along, releasing my pent up anger and rage at how a night get sidelines so quickly.
Do you know nights like that, mama? You are hoping for a cozy, sweet bedtime and instead a combination of your inner rage monster and a dead-eyed feeling comes over you after a combination of overstimulation and wheel-spinning? I mean, I wouldn’t say I know how that feels, but I’m asking for a friend. :)
It felt good just now to move slowly, intentionally and with obnoxiously loud breath. I was in my own home, so no one can judge me. Ok, you can, I guess, but I don’t have to endure your annoyed stare in yoga class.
Some days this parenting thing is just HARD, mama. Whatever age the kiddos are. However enlightened and therapized and informed, and and AND you are. It’s just stinking hard sometimes. And you might want to run away. Or you might want to scream or throw things.
Me too, mama. Me too.
I recommend aggressive audible breath as an addition to your list of options besides actually throwing that mug or running away.
Nights like this are also clarifying. Clearly, I feel inspired to write, whereas 40 minutes ago, I felt dead inside and only like staring at a wall with my head in my hands. Also, I feel clear that I need to find an evening yoga class. Not just for the sake of yoga (which I miss, as a pre-kids/pre-pandemic yoga teacher). But as a thing that is MINE. A one-night-a-week-THING I have to leave the house for. Sorry, kids, mama is going now, goodbye, aurevoir, toodles, ta-ta. I’m walking out the door and best of luck to you all. May the force be with you. - That kind of need.
When we begin to unravel, we become more clear on what it is we really NEED to hold ourselves together. Things begin to clarify strangely fast. Or at least that’s how I often find it goes for me.
So, I’m aware that I need an evening yoga class and some way to find 15 minutes every morning to myself - for a walk or journaling or meditation.
Ok, mama. That’s my two cents for today. Loud, aggressive breath that allows the feels a path out. What’s your way? What have you found that helps you find your way back to sanity, to yourself, mama?
I hope so much you find your way to something that grounds you today, even just for a moment. Our world tugs at us in a thousand ways, throwing us off-kilter. Our larger world, and our little microcosm worlds. I hope you find a small path back inward today, mama, to where you know what is true and who you are.
